At Your Request: Our Engagement Story

I can’t tell you how Jay proposed.  Both because he didn’t actually propose and because our decision to get married evolved out of a conversation without a definitive starting or ending point.  It was the end of a great day.  We were happy and being silly and talking about feminism.  Jay joked that if I was a true feminist I would propose to him instead of waiting for him to propose.  I added that then we could hyphenate our last names … which, since my name is already hyphenated, would make us both Tewksbury-Bloom-Holt.  Suddenly, the reality of marriage seemed right in front of us and so wonderful; frightening and wonderful at the same time.  In a way that it never had before, it seemed like the right time to talk seriously about taking that step.  I talked about faith.  Jay countered with trust and love and commitment.  And it was as if something changed in the space between us, in the conversation, and we suddenly realized that we were ready.  Getting married was still an intimidating prospect.  We still weren’t sure what all we were entering into with this choice.  But we were ready.

I am used to romantic engagement stories.  I eat them up.  If I’m feeling stressed, I watch trailers for romantic comedies in which the leading characters always end up getting engaged in the end.  I love how the choice about how one partner proposes marriage to the other speaks to their personalities and the flavor of their relationship.  I thought I wanted to be asked for my hand in marriage in a romantic and significant setting with a carefully constructed speech that clearly outlined why we were in love and why he was choosing me.  I laugh trying to imagine that happening in real life.  For that to have happened, it would require Jay to morph into another person, a man lacking all of the traits that I love about him.  In being proposed to in that romantic Hollywood way, I would have been rightfully suspicious.  Had Jay undergone some sort of Freaky Friday switcheroo?  Was I saying yes to my loving partner of 7 ½ years or some alter ego concealing a dark plot.

What actually happened, our engagement via conversation, was reassuring.  This was what it looked like when Jay was as ready as he could be.  In embracing our un-Hollywood / anti-The Knot engagement, I am looking next to re-examine my expectations of what a wedding looks like.


12 responses to “At Your Request: Our Engagement Story

  1. You’re wrong – that is so darned romantic….where are my tissues??? I’m so happy for you both. And what a great story to share. Thank you!

  2. I REALLY like how your conversation, as your lives together, just naturally evolved to this different level. You are already life partners. Being married won’t change your commitment to each other, but it will change how the world perceives you. Your decision is a very mature one. I congratulate you, toast you, and look forward to celebrating with you. Much love!

  3. To me, this is just as romantic as a stereotypical engagement story. Good for you two for being true to yourselves!

  4. That’s really awesome guys! Can’t wait to see you guys in November beers on me. (you will most likely have to remind me of this however)

    once again this is super awesome news, and to echo some of the others sentiments that proposal totally fits your story.

    l8r sk8rs

  5. I second everything Madelon said. I think two mature people are ready to get married when the engagement is almost an afterthought, because conversations, lots of them, have moved you in that direction.
    You did it your way, and that’s romantic enough for me! Congratulations!

  6. jourdanclandening

    Sharon, I love this!!!! Everyone’s story/relationship is so different. Congratulations to you and Jay. And I love your comment at the end about re-examining your ideal wedding. Don’t get lost in the chaos and stress of wedding planning…it can happen so quickly. Make sure to do what makes the two of you happy. You will have NO regrets!!!!

  7. I wish you all happiness and joy of each other–a long and happy life together.

    Peggy Day, friend of Millie

  8. Really beautiful story..gave me goose bumps! I wish you both the best and with more than 7 years under your belt…the time is right! Faith, trust, love and commitment are definately the right things to be discussing. I am just so so happy for you both 🙂


  9. Aw… ah …awe!

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